Feeling Like Enough

Some days more than others I feel like I should be more.  More of a mother, more of a wife, more of a daughter, more of a friend.  More like this person or that person.  I beat myself up over the things that I don’t do.  I get a feeling of not being enough.  One look at all of the posts on Facebook and Pinterest and it makes sense.  How can I compete with these people?

And its not even caring about what other people think, because really I am not the kind of person to care what other people think about me.  I haven’t been for a long time.

It is a competition with myself in my own brain.  And I have read articles that say people only post the “good” moments.  Since then there have been a lot more people posting pictures of their kiddos mid meltdown with cute explanations for the tantrum.  Every parent can relate to them.  We have all been there.

But we have yet to see pictures of parents mid meltdown.  Yelling because I have asked my son what seems like a bajillion times to get off his tablet and do his home work.  Telling my daughter to leave me be, because I have had a long day and I am trying to cook dinner and can barely manage a full thought.  Then of course the guilt kicks in.  Why did I have to raise my voice?  Why can’t I watch her beam routine one more time?

The further I travel into the journey of motherhood the more I realize it is O.K. to not be enough ALL of the time.  We can’t be everything to everyone 24/7.  The fear of not being enough has held me back from so many things.

Ella reading Cullen "'Twas the Night Before Christmas"
Ella reading Cullen “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas”

I can’t count the number of times in the last year that I have told myself I’m going to blog more but I have not out of fear.  Another fear of not being enough,  not being enough for the people that read my posts to want to come back.  What would possess me to think that I am special enough that anyone would care to read what I have to say.

Well I have had enough of not feeling like enough.  I have decided to return to the original purpose of a blog.  Keeping track of the kids lives for major or funny events that to happen for them so they can look back and see the things that we have done for them.  I will also post my crazy (and sometimes crappy) DIYs.  Most of all I will just be me being me!



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